Smidgens and Snippets
by Victoria Seneca
Summary: Random one shots. Scenes I think are missing or just scenes I would like to see.


Teatime inside the Woolpack was busy as usual. Vanessa sat at the end of the bar chatting up Charity while Chas served. Leafing through the latest copy of _'OK! Magazine'_ Charity is asking all the important questions.

Showing one of the fashion spreads to her girlfriend, Charity quizzes, "Who wore it better babe? Kim Kardashian or Gareth Gates?"

At a table nearby, Noah sits with Leanna who was interested in the fallout of their recent escapades. Noah is doing his best to keep his cool in front of the barmy beauty and act older than his 14 years but Leanna is mostly bored by the conversation and turns her attention to others in the pub.

Pointing at Vanessa she inquires, "Isn't that pint size blonde lady a vet?"

"Yeah, and my mum's girlfriend," Noah says wrinkling his face like he can literally smell the rancid response Leanna will have to this bit of information.

" **That's** your mom's girlfriend?! I heard she was some cradle-robbing slapper," Leanna loudly scoffs for half the pub to hear.

"Leanna! Pack it in!," Noah pleads.

All three women at the bar turn their attention to the teenager's table now and Charity bellows, "Excuse me?"

Leanna continues on pretending not to notice everyone is listening, "…my parents told me all about that one."

Vanessa shoots a look of disbelief at the girl and with that, Charity makes her way towards their table as Noah stares at Leanna and under his breath starts repeating, "MOS. MOS. MOS!"

Charity repeats, "Excuse me?"

Chas thinking Charity is not up to speed on her teen text slang informs her, "It mean Mum-Over-Shoulder." Charity turns back to Chas with a stare so cold it could extinguish the sun.

Leanna, unfazed looks straight at Vanessa and matter-of-factly states, "You're the vet whose baby daddy was a teenager right?"

The entire pub is listening now.

Charity informs Noah and the room at large, "Your pernicious little friend here is quite the Mrs. Soames."

"Who's that?" Leanna asks walking right into Charity's trap.

"Oh! And an intellectual too! You know love, two more points in your IQ, you could be a tree!"

"Enough Charity, she's just a kid," Vanessa says with disgust.

Charity responds indignantly, "Just a kid? Babe, did you hear what she said about you?" and then turning back to Leanna, "… though I guess I can't blame you entirely. I'm sure the salty apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Maybe you best be getting back to Vernon and Petunia now. Yeah?"

"Whatevs," is all Leanna can muster at this point as she gets up and leaves acknowledging she isn't going to win an insult war with Charity Dingle.

Charity turns to Vanessa fully anticipating she will be rewarded for the verbal joust but is surprised when she is met with the vets blue eyes nearly red with fury. Unable to speak, Vanessa storms out the back of the pub and into the living room.

"Well, the kinder gentler Charity was nice while it lasted," shrugs Chas as Charity chases Vanessa into the residence.

"I am fully capable of standing up for myself," Vanessa implores.

"Well, I guess chivalry really is dead then, I was just sticking up for my girlfriend. Babe, c'mon! I know her type, she is surely a carbon copy of her parents. You don't just grow up and become a spiteful prat like that without proper training," Charity says defensively but Vanessa is having none of it.

Shaking her head like a mother scolding her naughty child, "Ya still shouldn't have gone off on her like that."

"Oh please, I had to do something. You were about as ready for a punch up as a gnat whose been chasing the dragon. That girl doesn't get a gimme just because she's still in training pants."

"Ya don't know anything about her Charity."

"OK. OK, you know, I forgot I was dealing with Vanessa Woodfield, the petite patron saint of compassion," Charity blurts out with full contorted face.

"Really? Really Charity? You're callin' me petite now? That's the stone you're throwin? Well, your insult is as pathetic as a grown woman picking on a child."

"Picking on a child?" asks Charity completely flabbergasted. "Who died and made you Mother Teresa?"

" **You** are like a poxy cow with verbal dysentery." Vanessa begins to let the steam out.

"Am I now?"

"You are as irritating as a petulant toddler," adds Vanessa.

"Do go on," says an increasingly incensed Charity.

Her nose now fully twitching, Vanessa loads up for just one more.

" **YOU** Charity, are a bellicose bitch."

Charity's jaw nearly hits the floor, her face in full shock.

Vanessa, instantly contrite tries to assure Charity, "I meant bitch in the the canine sense of the word."

Looking up to the ceiling and gesticulating in full disbelief Charity exclaims, " **Still**!"

Then, after lowering her arms, Charity catches her breath long enough to realize her heart is racing. She looks at Vanessa with her green come-hither eyes and asks, "Are you as turned on right now as I am?"

Vanessa wasting no time confirms, "More!" and she rushes straight to Charity with such intensity that she knocks her back forcefully against the door and kisses her with more passion and fire than they have felt in weeks. The women are as in-sync as they have ever been and are both ready to put all their worries and concerns on the shelf for the night. They continue to kiss even harder as their hands roam freely remembering how amazing they feel in each other's arms. Vanessa grabs the front of Charity's shirt pulling her in even closer and starts rocking into Charity.

Charity recognizes where all this grinding will lead to and suddenly pulls out of the kiss creating the tiniest of gaps between her and the rocket woman's body and asks, "You're not gonna scold me?"

"No," Vanessa responds with some distress.

"You're not gonna make me talk about stuff?"

"No."

"You're not just going along with this 'cause you think I need minding?"

Vanessa, stroppy now, informs Charity, " **I'm** the one who needs minding so please shut up and take me upstairs right now."

Charity gives Vanessa her best sexy smirk and pulls Vanessa back in close. "Bossy Bitch! In the canine way, of course."


End file.
